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Area Man Claims He Can Defeat ISIS with Pork & Goats

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ISIS Pork-GoatsAn area man claims that he can defeat Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL), also known as Islamic State of Iraq and Syria or ISIS, with various pork products and goat sex. Trey Collins has grown tired of what he perceives as a lack of action by the United States government in dealing with the growing ISIS menace.

Area Man Accidentally Terrifies Save Mart with Maul Axe

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Jesse Morgan with Maul AxeAccording to sources leaving the store, Mr. Morgan didn't go on a murderous rampage through the grocery store, but rather was walking around the aisles with a young boy holding what appeared to be a 6 to 8 lb. maul axe.

Area Psychic/Remote Viewer Sees Nothing Interesting

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Nico Mooney Remote ViewerArea clairvoyant, spirit channeller and "remote viewer" Nico Mooney admitted to his friends this past week that he can indeed remote view phenomena all around the world, however what he sees is boring and uneventful.

City Council Passes Anti-Irish Ordinance After Rise of Gangs

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Gangs of Nevada CityAfter recent gang violence has threaten the burgeoning, yet fragile Nevada City tourism industry, the city council has passed the nation's first anti-Irish immigration law in almost 120 years.

Area Senior Can No Longer Print

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Area Senior Can No Longer Print Mr. Rodriguez prints "every god-damned email" he gets because he's afraid he'll lose it. Reynaldo M. Rodriguez's printer has stopped working.

State of Jefferson Protest Prompts Mothman Appearance [VIDEO]

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Mothman Highway 49 Featured StormThe Mothman creature appeared after an 3 hour pro-State of Jefferson protest on the normally ordinary and uneventful overpass. The protest, which was organized to raise secession awareness for the proposed 51st State, seems to have drawn the foreboding creature to the Nevada County Area.

Glenn Beck to Nevada County: Too Crazy for Me

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Glenn BeckTalk show host Glenn Beck said that Nevada County was just "too bat-@#$1 crazy, even for me" on his program Thursday night.

Local Anarcho-Capitalist Has No Sense of Humor

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David "X" from North San Juan who wants to build a datacenter to house his Bitcoin mining operation."And there all all kinds of Anarchists, you see. There's Laissez-faire ones like me, and other ones. Then there's the hippie Anarcho-syndicalists ones. Commune types. Similar, but different than me," ranted Mr. "X."

Area Cloud Seeder Hoping for a Chemtrail Promotion

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evergreen chemtrail 747The former Navy Pilot and current cloud seeding captain of a Evergreen 747 based out of Beale Air Force base, has been eyeing the coveted Chemtrail Captain position ever since he joined Evergreen's gioengineering fleet back in 2006.

Area Parents Apologize in Advance for Son’s Mass Murder

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Dant Parent Home FeaturedMaureen and Jimmy are the parents of Jason Dant, a notorious gun “collector” who recently left his Horton Street home and is currently living in a fortified bunker with no address somewhere in Penn Valley.

Nevada City Issues Nation’s First Open Carry Permit, for an Accordion

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Nevada City, CA Issues Nation’s First Open Carry Permit, for an AccordionIn an on-going effort to empty the boardwalk of transients and hipsters, Nevada City Police Chief Timothy Foley today issued the first Open Carry Permit—for a musical instrument. Accordion enthusiast Fran Cole, a bottle blonde attorney in knee length lederhosen, was awarded the single permit.

Plastic Bag Ban Threatens Garbage Patch Vortex, Organizer Says

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Pacific trash vortex_featuredAngela Hansen organized the grassroots effort to save the Pacific Garbage Vortex Patch when she realized that the new ban would force local residents to bring their own paper or canvas bags while shopping.

“Red Dog Jane” Ghost Spotted on Highway 20

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Red Dog JaneThe circumstances behind Janie H. Barnes' 1941 death are still a mystery. According to scant police records, Ms. Barnes was apparently walking alone towards Truckee during the early morning hours of September 6th, 1941 on what is now Highway 20.

Children May Be Solution to Gun Violence

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a blond boy is holding a gun on blueIf you think your toddler is too immature to properly handle a loaded firearm safely, think again.

Government: Drones for Chemtrail Operations

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"BIG Boy” PD97-3034 Chemtrail Drone. Source: US Military.In a surprise executive order, the Obama Administration announced plans to license and deploy aerial drones to conduct Chemtrail spraying operations.

Grass Valley Expands Roundabout with Merry-Go-Round

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Grass Valley Merry-Go-AroundGrass Valley's new Soviet-style leadership did what any politburo government would do: distract its citizens with spectacle and entertainment. And to that end, government officials have installed a Merry-go-Round in the middle of the Roundabout.

Area Chemtrail Believer Bullied by Math “Thugs“

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Area Chemtrail Believer Bullied by Math “Thugs“Mary McAlister seemed surprised that others took issue with her incendiary share of a billboard picture that warned people of the dangers of geoengineering.

Rumor of Nevada City Fire is False

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Artist depiction of Nevada City on fireRumors of Nevada City burning to the ground last night are completely unfounded. The Nevada County Scooper can confirm that it was all a practical joke started by some clown named Robert X.

Murderous, Screaming Rampage Results in Missing Spider

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dog spiderPolice responded to a home on the 12000 block of Squirrel Creek Rd. on Sunday night upon receiving reports of a woman screaming and a man yelling, “Die, bitch! I am gonna [deleted] kill you!” Officers were advised to proceed with caution.

Area Woman Injured By Kmart Receipt Pile

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Authorities allowed Millie Franks to keep her receipt pile shown here in her home.Layaway has a new meaning for long time Grass Valley resident Millie Franks after she was nearly smothered under 27 lbs. of Kmart receipts on Saturday.
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