After what can only be called a bark beetle plaque that has killed tens of thousands of drought-weaken trees around California, excavator operator Rob Barrick had a starling revelation: the massive tree die off is mostly due to Chemtrail spraying operations and not the common bark beetle.
Area Excavator Guy Exercises His Climatology Know-How
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Area Woman Can’t Spell ‘Medical Marijuana’
Ardwelia Kushborn of Nevada City is a local clothing entrepreneur and medical marijuana advocate. However despite her enthusiasm for what she calls "grass roots medicine," she can't spell the words "medical marijuana," so she cleverly resorts to the abbreviations MMJ or more simply, MJ.
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Jamba Juice Diet Leads to Type 2 Diabetes
Area man Jason Dubrey is now recovering from a month-long diet of Jamba Juice. Dubrey, 34, has been watching several online videos about weight loss and juice diets and decided last month to try a "30 day Juice fast."
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Local Woman Shaves Pussy Every Summer
Mrs. Pickering is a widow who lives alone, with just her Boston terrier and long-haired Persian cat as her companions.
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Amateur Astronomer Swears He Spotted the Alien “Black Knight Satellite”
Local amateur cryptozoologist, paranormal investigator, SciFi Channel fan and amateur astronomer Keith Bradenshauer of Alta Sierra, CA swears he spotted the illusive "Black Knight Satellite" using his Meade™ Telescope on Wednesday night.
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Downtown Cell Towers to Power New Popeye’s Fried Chicken
After the committee announced that it would allow Verizon contractor Epic Wireless to install as many eight mini cell towers on top of the Friar Tuck's building, new Popeye's owner Nathan Armstrong said the increased Electromagnetic Field (EMF) radiation would help cut his energy costs.
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Area Man Uses Tub Hair to Create Roommate Friendship Bracelets
Area Millennial Scott Foresight has grown tired of his sloppy and inconsiderate roommates, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. On Thursday, after removing his two roommates body hair from the shower drain, Mr. Foresight created "Friendship" bracelets for them.
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Dark Truth: Dorsey Drive Interchange to Service New Chemtrail Facility
The Nevada County Scooper has learned that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is installing a Chemtrail production facility on Highway 49.
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No Takers for Free Color Television with Built-In VCR
Nancy Woods of Alta Sierra has found no takers for her free 19 inch color television with built-in VCR after advertising the item on the popular local call KNCO radio show Swap Shop.
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Zuckerberg to Teach Nevada County How To Use the Internet
In an attempt to cut down on the ridiculously high amount of traffic coming out of Nevada County, Facebook mogul Mark Zuckerberg has pulled together a task force to, in his words, “show those idiots how to use the internet.”
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Federal Gun Confiscation Unit Arrives in Penn Valley, CA
The 290 million dollar program, nicked named "ObamaGun," was authorized by an largely ignored Presidential executive action from 2009. The action enables a fleet of Astro Vans across the country to engage in "a courteous confiscation of all firearms" with the purpose of "securing the safety of potential gun violence victims."
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Menstrual Cramps Lead to Arrest
Mary Alice Alleppo of Rough and Ready, CA was arrested last Friday for smuggling marijuana-infused tampons into the Wayne Brown Correctional Facility. Corrections officers discovered two, fresh tampons in Alleppo’s purse during a routine search of Alleppo's purse when she came to the county jail to visit her boyfriend, who is an inmate.
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Ted Cruz Caught Soliciting In Atlanta Airport Men’s Room
Ted Cruz, the often controversial senator running for the Republican Presidential nomination, was detained at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson airport yesterday. He was caught tapping his feet under stalls and soliciting men to become members of his Presidential cabinet.
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USPS Issues Stamps to Commemorate “True” Americans
The United States Postal Service (USPS) has reacted to pressure from more Conservative American organizations to commemorate "True Americans."
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Area Chemtrail Activist to Collect & Test Toenail Clippings
Area community and chemtrail activist Saihra Ramun announced to a crowd out in front of Nevada City's New York Hotel that she plans on going door-to-door collecting toenail clippings to test for traces of chemtrails.
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Fix-it Ticket Leads to Jail Time for Area Man
Mr. Brandt was pulled over and ticketed near the bottom of the Alta St. hill by a Grass Valley police officer for not having proper registration tags on his vehicle.
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Man Featured in Arrowed Circle Not Doing Anything Noteworthy
Keith Bradenshauer of Alta Sierra has released a highlighted photo that shows an area man doing absolutely nothing noteworthy.
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Amateur Astronomer Spots Giant Black Cube Near Moon
Local amateur cryptozoologist, paranormal investigator, SciFi Channel fan and amateur astronomer Keith Bradenshauer of Alta Sierra, CA swears he spotted an enormous "Black Cube" near the moon this past week on his Meade™ telescope.
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Local Outdoor Cannabis Growers Switching to Christmas Tree Farms
North San Juan cannabis farmer Thomas Kevlin is concerned about his plans for outdoor grow operation after the Nevada County Board of Supervisors passed a hasty, and some rational commentators have argued, dangerous ordinance banning the practice.
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Vegan Meals For Homeless Go Uneaten
The VeganAid Foundation, an area 501c3 non-profit social organization which promotes environmental and human social justice, has launched an investigation into why their 'Meals for Homeless' program has been a massive failure.
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