An area man suffering from both bone cancer and Multiple Sclerosis is tired of the sanctimonious declarations by area facebookers. Samuel Baker of Rhode Island Street said he's grown tired of people not having any balls and using his condition as an excuse to further their sanctimonious crusade in their minds.
Area Man with Cancer & MS Tired of Sanctimonious People
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Area Man To Lawfully Wed The Constitution
Area conservative community activist, Tea Party member and overly enthusiastic Glenn Beck supporter Brock Whalen announced on his website that he plans on lawfully wedding the United States Constitution.
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Area Man Reads James Joyce’s Ulysses for 18 Straight Hours
Area man and burgeoning author Roy Riffle spent the entire weekend reading Irish writer James Joyce's Ulysses on Broad Street in Nevada City.
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Briarpatch Co-op to Open “Pay It Forward” Checkout Line
The BriarPatch Co-op in Grass Valley is experimenting with a new form of checkout lane that relies on the good graces of their shoppers. The "Pay It Forward" checkout line allows BriarPatch customers to pay for the groceries of the person directly behind them in line.
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Fight Averted at Safeway Self-Checkout
According to witnesses, the fight started between woman in her late 30s and a mid-20 year old female. Apparently there was some confusion about how to queue for the stores 2 sets of self-checkout registers.
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Ben Franklin Employee Tired of Answering Abortion Questions
Local Ben Franklin checkout clerk Jill Baker is tired of answering Pro-Life and Pro-Choice inquiries from customers. Over a year after the ruling, she is still fielding questions from both conservative and liberal customers about her abortion preferences.
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Mormon Church Group Protests Local Nudist Resort
A group of Mormons assembled in front of Zen’s Metaphysical Hideaway, in Grass Valley. ZMH, as it is known to patrons, is a clothing optional resort that allows people to bare it all and give the finger to textile normees.
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Local Newspaper Infiltrated by CIA “Psy-Ops”
After an exhaustive 3 month investigation, The Nevada County Scooper with the help of several anonymous, yet credible informants has learned that The Union, Grass Valley's 150 year old newspaper has been infiltrated by a CIA "Psy-Ops" detachment.
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Area Woman Uses Kombucha To Treat Schizophrenia
Fresh off her self-proclaimed successes in treating autism with coconut oil, Merrilee Longshoes of North San Juan, CA has announced a new treatment option for Schizophrenia: Kombucha. Kombucha is any of a variety of preparations of fermented, lightly effervescent sweetened black or green tea drinks that are commonly used as functional beverages for their unsubstantiated health benefits.
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Locals Patch Street Potholes with Pot
Nevada City residents have grown tired of waiting for the city to repair the roadway and recently decided to take matters into their own hands. They did this by planting a serious of marijuana plants in the aging street's numerous pot holes.
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Local ACLU to Defend Groups Who Plan to Destroy Local ACLU Office
After a recent and successful launch of the Nevada County chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union or ACLU, the organization announced on Wednesday that it plans to "rigorously defend" the right of various hate and terrorist groups to burn down its new proposed office headquarters.
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Area Feminist Petitions to Have Broad Street Renamed
Area community activist and former Sacramento State University feminist Sairhra Ramun of Nevada City has petitioned the city council to formally change the name of Broad Street to Nisenan Blvd. The move, which has been expected by acquaintances close to the activist, was inspired by recent unrest at several college campuses across the country.
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Syrian Refugees Adjusting Nicely to Life in Nevada County
After three grueling weeks of living in a cramped refugee camp without running water or electricity, the family was selected for the United Nation’s refugee resettlement program in Nevada County.
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Bilderberg Protesters Trash Sierra City
Following what organizers are calling "the most productive global re-alignment gathering in years," citizens of the small Sierra Nevada town of Sierra City are dealing with a massive garbage aftermath left by anti-Bilderberg Group protesters.
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Local Arcade Park Aims to Instill Valuable Gambling Skills in Youngsters
A local Family Play park is working hard to insure that children have the proper skills to compete in the ever-expanding and competitive gambling marketplace.
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Teenager Informs Family that it is Time to Leave
15 year old Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley abruptly informed his family on Wednesday that he "was ready to go home" from their outing at the Yuba River.
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Area Home Gardener Harvests $7.56 Tomato
Area home gardener Herman M. Dean has been working all summer in his garden and announced to friends and family that he harvested his first tomato. A tomato estimated to cost $7.56 to produce.
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Fleshlight Goes Unclaimed at Area Lost and Found
According to an area supermarket manager, no one has come forward to claim an abandoned Fleshlight which was found in the produce section last week. The popular adult toy was discovered by an employee last week on the floor near the organic lettuces.
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Local Researcher: Bend, Oregon Doesn’t Exist
North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Bend, Oregon is an elaborate hoax and does not exist.
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Dark Truth: Dorsey Drive Interchange to Service New Chemtrail Facility
The Nevada County Scooper has learned that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is installing a Chemtrail production facility on Highway 49.
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