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Busted: Local Newspaper Written by Single Reporter

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IvanGrass Valley, CA — The Scooper has learned that the 150 year old-ish Grass Valley-based Newspaper The Union is written, edited, administered and published by a single reporter news savant Ivan Natividad. “I figured as much,” said a Facebook commenter. “There’s no way they produce copy so fast with a whole staff of people. I […]

Department of Defense Stepping Up Local Haldol Chemtrail Efforts

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Haldol is the common name for the anti-psychotic medication Haloperidol and a common chemtrail additive.he Scooper has just learned that the Department of Defense (DoD), in coordination with several Internet service providers (ISPs), is stepping up their Chemtrail efforts to alleviate the acrimony on several local blogs and on Facebook leading up to the election next year. Also recent gun violence has turned what were normal people into complete assholes.

Locals and Flatlanders Face Off in a Competition for Shittiest Drivers

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Nothing expresses xenophobia more precisely than a Facebook rant about bad drivers.In another terse “locals” against “transplants” debate, the Nevada County Facebook community pages have been heating up over which faction is doing all of the shitty driving in the area, and now the online fracas has spilled into the streets.

Area Chemtrail Protest Fails to Notice Giant Cloud Penis

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A group of anti-chemtrail protestors failed to notice a gigantic cloud penis during their Saturday protest.During a chemtrail protest that took place on the Brunswick Road overpass in Grass Valley's Glenbrook Basin, a group of anti-geoengineering activists failed to notice a gigantic cloud penis in the western skies.

Saudis to Purchase Del Oro Theater/Redesign Tower into Islamic Minaret

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Saudis to Purchase Del Oro Theater/Redesign Tower into Islamic MinaretA group of influential and secretive Saudi investors announced this week that they plan on purchasing the Del Oro Theater located in Grass Valley, CA. As a part of the sale, the current iconic Del Oro Tower will be replaced with Islamic Minaret.

Grass Valley Expands Roundabout with Merry-Go-Round

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Grass Valley Merry-Go-AroundGrass Valley's new Soviet-style leadership did what any politburo government would do: distract its citizens with spectacle and entertainment. And to that end, government officials have installed a Merry-go-Round in the middle of the Roundabout.

‘Sheeple’ No Longer Acceptable as Insult

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sheepleYou don't hear much about animal husbandry in Nevada County  news these days. Sure, we have the 4H and NCAPSPCHAFFA, but the men and women running these farms – you just don't hear their voices very much. Far less is heard from their livestock.

Children May Be Solution to Gun Violence

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a blond boy is holding a gun on blueIf you think your toddler is too immature to properly handle a loaded firearm safely, think again.

Most Americans Still Unclear Where Benghazi Is

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Despite continually discussion in the media and in the blogosphere, Most Americans have no idea where this is.Despite Republican successes in national and local elections in the past four years, and a persistent media campaign in largely Right Wing news outlets, most Americans are still unclear where the hell Benghazi is. Even after several Congressional hearings trying to pin the blame on then Secretary of State and now Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, most American think Benghazi is somewhere in Asia.

Jamba Juice Diet Leads to Type 2 Diabetes

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Jason Dubrey Jamba JuiceArea man Jason Dubrey is now recovering from a month-long diet of Jamba Juice. Dubrey, 34, has been watching several online videos about weight loss and juice diets and decided last month to try a "30 day Juice fast."

Seven arrests made in ‘huge’ grape-crushing operation

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Nevada County "Intoxigrants"Nevada County, CA — Prohibition officers looking to serve an arrest warrant Wednesday ended up arresting seven people and seizing more than 1,100 tons of varietal grapes in what appeared to be a large processing operation. In what signals a new tactic for local law enforcement, most of those arrested were “intoxigrants” from out of […]

Man Driving Used Police Car: Why Do People Treat Me Weird?

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Man Driving Used Police Car Doesn’t Understand Why People Treat Him WeirdPeople have been driving strangely around Hank Snow after the Grass Valley handyman purchased a surplus Crowne Victoria Police car.

Officials Urge Calm During Upcoming Military/Martial Law Exercise

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Officials Urge Calm During Upcoming Military/Martial Law ExerciseNevada County Police will be collaborating with the FBI, the ATF and other Department of Homeland Security agencies to conduct 'martial law-type scenarios' in Nevada County at an unspecified time later this year.

Area Woman Injured By Kmart Receipt Pile

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Authorities allowed Millie Franks to keep her receipt pile shown here in her home.Layaway has a new meaning for long time Grass Valley resident Millie Franks after she was nearly smothered under 27 lbs. of Kmart receipts on Saturday.

Father Teaches Son “Life Lesson” with Large, Unwieldy Plastic Bin

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Kevin Thomas with Tub Area father Craig Thomas of Grass Valley decided to teach his 15 year old teenage son a "life lesson" by making him carry a large, unwieldy plastic bin filled with school supplies though a local Staples office supply store.

Area Woman Wins Online Arguments by Calling Opponents “Trolls”

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AngryWomanA local unemployed and frequent Facebook participant Jennifer Murray of Nevada City, CA has taken to labeling anyone who irritates her on the popular social network "a troll." Apparently Ms. Murray arrived at this decision without little thought or consideration.

Local Christian Scientist Not Really A Scientist/Christian

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Local Christian Scientist Not Really A Scientist/ChristianLocal anti-vaccine activist, mother of two children and unknowing proponent of Natural Selection Lisa Fellows is not a Christian Scientist as she has recently claimed on her children's vaccine schedule form required by local schools. In fact, she's not even a Christian.

Nevada City To Test Aromatherapy On Hardened Criminals

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A new Nevada City ordinance is requiring the police to use aromatherapy for prisoners in local jails. The quaint gold rush town of Nevada City, CA will be the first in the nation to experiment with aromatherapy on hardened criminals.

Area Cartoonist in Hiding after Receiving Threats from the “Nun Mafia”

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The Nun Mafia was founded by Pope Paul III in 1541 to help expedite the excommunication of Henry the VIII of EnglandEsteemed Cartoonist and Scooper Patron Saint RL Crabb is reportedly in hiding after receiving threats from the notorious "Nun Mafia" over the weekend.

Area Office Worker Unsure Why Cheeto Goes Uneaten

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Brent Underwood doesn't understand why someone won't eat the last Cheeto. However, if no one does, he will.Area technology worker and parental advice expert Brent Underwood doesn't understand why no one will eat the last Cheeto® in the break room. The lone puffy snack treat, which has sat in a paper tray for over 3 hours, has not been fondled nor eaten leading Mr. Underwood confused about what's wrong with it.
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