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Passive-Aggressive Roofing Aims to Indirectly Intimidate Customers

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Passive-Aggressive Roofing's first purchase: a contractor's bucket truck.After becoming frustrated with the overcrowded "Aggressive" roofing services market in Nevada County, newly formed Passive-Aggressive Roofing Company hopes to fill that void with a stubbornly hostile, snarky and a resistive attitude towards all customers.

Area Office Worker Unsure Why Cheeto Goes Uneaten

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Brent Underwood doesn't understand why someone won't eat the last Cheeto. However, if no one does, he will.Area technology worker and parental advice expert Brent Underwood doesn't understand why no one will eat the last Cheeto® in the break room. The lone puffy snack treat, which has sat in a paper tray for over 3 hours, has not been fondled nor eaten leading Mr. Underwood confused about what's wrong with it.

New Years Resolution Thwarted By Canal Gate

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Nevada City, CA — Burt Bowles is fed up with fatphobia. Trying to live up to his New Year’s resolution to lose weight, Bowles, of Nevada City, decided to take a walk along the NID ditch on Banner Mountain, only to be turned back by a metal barrier with a pedestrian opening too narrow for […]

Utility Smart Meter Provides Area Woman with Vivid Dreams

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Brenda "Dusty" Woods of Nevada City, CA says her utility smart meter gives her vivid dreams.Brenda "Dusty" Woods of Nevada City, CA says that ever since PG&E installed an energy Smartmeter on the outside of her Cottage Street home, she's been experience vivid dreams.

Local Paper Concerned About Fate of George Soros Grants

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Following the election of Donald Trump, the 92 year old Nevada County Scooper is concerned about its George Soros funding sources.The 92 year old Nevada County Scooper revealed today that it is concerned about the interruption of one of its primary revenue streams being interrupted after Donald Trump becomes the 45th President of the United States later this week.

Man to Write James Joycean Account of Nevada City

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Aspiring author Roy Riffle of Nevada City.Roy Riffle recently announced to a small crowd of Millennials at an area coffee shop that he intended to write the town's equivalent of James Joyce's Ulysses.

Family’s Use of Refrigerator Poetry Magnets Reveals Deep Discontent

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What started out as a playful refrigerator game with the intention of increasing the family's language acumen, has revealed deep angst and discontent inside a local Nevada City family.

Area Woman Thoughtfully Fondles Eggs

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Janet Williams of Cedar RidgeThe Scooper caught up with Ms. Williams at the egg stand on her weekly shopping trip for groceries. She was thoughtfully fondling the eggs.

Area Activists Win WiFi Illness Disability Claim

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Two North San Juan activists have won a landmark decision in the County Court allowing them to receive disability benefits for something called electromagnetic hypersensitivity or EHS. Merrilee Longshoes and Skyy Wolford of North San Juan, CA have been working for over two years to get their case through the court system.

Middle Manager to Find Out Who’s Snoring on Conference Calls

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Pajas Balasubramanian has a plan to find out who is snoring on company calls.Area middle manager Pajas Balasubramanian has been tasked with the thankless job of finding out who keeps snoring on company conference calls. Mr. Balasubramanian, a naturalized American citizen from New Delhi, India, is currently the Managers of Education Experience for local firm Video Axcell.

Local Man Wondering If You Noticed His Oversized Truck

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Dustin Jayce Dickens of Penn Valley and his unnecessarily large, rolled-coal Dodge RAM 3500.Mr. Dickens, who is a high school drop out and a Trump supporter, has recently stirred up trouble around Nevada County for what many call his arrogant and overcompensating attitude regarding his truck. There have been several eyewitness accounts that he disregarded basic traffic laws, often blowing-through stop signs, making illegal right turns from the far left-hand lanes, among other things.

Area Man Poses As Illegal Immigrant To Get Free Stuff

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Terry Adkinson of Grass Valley seen here attempting to get welfare benefits disguised as an illegal alien.Area trinket collector, “oriental” food connoisseur and occasional racist Terry Adkinson decided to make a point about illegal immigration last week by pretending to be an undocumented Mexican worker. Mr. Adkinson, who runs a local blog called The Conservarian: Reflections on American Exceptionalism, attempted to apply for assistance at the area Social Services office in Nevada City.

Literate Area Author Inserts Facebook Typos Just to “Fit In”

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Aspiring author Roy Riffle of Nevada City.A burgeoning Nevada City author admitted today to a small group of his friends that he often inserts typos and other usage errors into online Facebook comments just to "fit in." Area writer and part-time poet Roy Riffle made the admission to his small author's group while they were enjoying street tacos at Nevada City's popular Mi Pueblo Taqueria on Union Street.

Nevada City To Test Aromatherapy On Hardened Criminals

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A new Nevada City ordinance is requiring the police to use aromatherapy for prisoners in local jails. The quaint gold rush town of Nevada City, CA will be the first in the nation to experiment with aromatherapy on hardened criminals.

Study: Local Grocery Outlet Supermarket More Dangerous Than Muslim Refugees

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A new Study by the Rundex Family Foundation suggests you are more likely to get injured from a falling can than a Muslim refugee.A 3 month emergency study by the Palo Alto-base Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that you are more like to be injured shopping in the Grass Valley Grocery Outlet Supermarket, than from a refugee from one of the 7 recently banned countries.

Historians: Nevada City, CA Actually an Old “Star Trek” Episode Set

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Nevada City, CA is in fact an old Star Trek set from the 1960s according to researchers.Historians from Brigham Young and Southern Methodist Universities have discovered that the quaint former gold rush town of Nevada City, California is actually a set from a lost Star Trek episode. The researchers made the discovery while digging through the Paramount television archives in Burbank, CA.

Area Woman Excited About Receiving 6″-10″ This Week

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Janet Williams of Cedar RidgeCedar Ridge resident and professional shopper Janet Williams updated her Facebook status today telling her friends that she's actually looking forward to receiving 6 to 10 inches this week.

ISIS Training Camp Busted Up At Nevada County State Park

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ISIS Terrorists seen here in their hidden cave located in a remote part of Nevada County.Local authorities and Federal law enforcement have broken up an elaborate ISIS terrorist operation in the Sierra Foothills state park Malakoff Diggins.

Alt-Right Mascot, Pepe the Frog, Accidentally Eaten at Ike’s Quarter Café

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Alt-Right mascot Pepe the Frog was accidentally sautéed and eaten at a local restaurant.Pepe the Frog, beloved mascot of the alt-right movement, was inadvertently sautéed and consumed at Ike’s Quarter Café in Nevada City yesterday afternoon. Pepe, whose avatar is used by many commenters on 4chan, Reddit, and Breitbart News, was sitting in the outdoor terraced dining area when he was approached by the busser, Tyler “Earbud” Fulcrum.

DAPL Protesters Return to Find Oil Drilling on Local Lake

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It seems as local activists were away protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline, energy giants were busy in their own backyards drilling for oil.Nevada County activists who recently returned from Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL) protests in South Dakota where shocked to find out that in their absence, multi-national conglomerate Energy Transfer Partners (ETP) had started oil exploration on Lake Spaulding.
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