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Woman Hides from Jehovah’s Witnesses

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You Like? Please Share.La Barr Meadows, CA — Local work-from-home woman Stephanie Aldleson has successfully avoided the 5th attempt of the Jehovah’s Witnesses to give her the Good News. “Fortunately, I have a long driveway as you can see,” said Ms. Aldleson from the porch of her La Barr Meadows home. “So I can see them […]

Disneyland to Offer Vaccinations

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You Like? Please Share.Anaheim, CA – The happiest place on Earth is about to get vaccinated. Following recent reports of multiple Measles outbreaks at Disneyland, officials at the resort decided to offer free vaccinations to restore customer confidence in the world-famous entertainment park. According to health officials, the popular park has struggled with a measles […]

Downtown Safeway Considers the Final Solution

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You Like? Please Share.Grass Valley —  An exasperated Safeway management team has exercised a little known tool in the Safeway corporate rule book. Known by company insiders as the “final solution,” a not-so-subtle reference to the Jewish Holocaust in World War II that murdered over 8 million Jews, this process can be used in the event that […]

R.L. Crabb Status Page

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You Like? Please Share. R.L. Crabb, the Scooper’s patron saint and local cartoon legend  is currently: Quoting Bertolt Brecht — “Hungry man, reach for the book: It is a weapon.” Updated Daily: GMT, that’s like England         Scooper Related PostsR.L. Crabb Apparently Not DeadForty Niner Football Fracas at Local Cornish GatheringBrief: R.L. […]

Relative Pitches MLM Beachbody to Family

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You Like? Please Share.Grass Valley, CA — In the middle of  dinner on Sunday night, local Rough and Ready workout-a-holic Rose Lee tested a Beachbody success pitch on her immediate Family. Beachbody LLC is an American multinational corporation that uses direct response infomercials and multi-level marketing to sell fitness, weight loss, and muscle building home-exercise DVDs. Beachbody’s […]

Nevada City Millennial Pretends to Read James Joyce’s Ulysses

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You Like? Please Share.Nevada City, CA – Millennial Brent Underwood pretended to read Ulysses Ulysses during his lunch break at a local technology firm on Wednesday. “I really don’t like this,” commented a snarky Mr. Underwood, “but I want my co-workers to think I’m smart and know stuff.” Ulysses is a modernist novel by Irish writer […]

Household a Hotbed of Machiavellian Maneuvers During Chore Time

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You Like? Please Share.Nevada City, CA – Children across America are unwittingly, and in some cases deliberately, engaging Machiavellian maneuvers during chore time to offload their chores to other less savvy siblings. “I don’t know how I ended up with the loading and unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry and vacuuming,” said a frustrated 9 year […]

StormGate: National Weather Service Partners with Walmart to Promote Sales

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You Like? Please Share.Silver Spring, MD – The National Weather Service (NWS) is in collusion with Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. to hype bad weather reports in order to increase emergency supply sales, according to an anonymous tip from someone high at Wal-Mart. Pundits are already calling this “StormGate”, in what is certain to become a national […]

New Nevada County ACLU Chapter to Continue to Ignore the 2nd Amendment

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You Like? Please Share.Nevada County, CA – With the announcement of a new Nevada County chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union starting up (see below), local supporters are adamant that the new organization will continue its long history of ignoring the civil rights of individual gun owners. “ACLU Chapters are the eyes and ears […]

Area Family Implements New Facebook Platform in Home

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The Grant Family, Stacy Grant is 2nd from the right, atop their energy-efficient Cottage Street home.gy-efficient home.
You Like? Please Share.Nevada City, CA – In an unprecedented move a local Nevada City family has voted to integrate an oddly 21st century set of house rules. Last month at the weekly household meeting of the Grant family the entire house unanimously voted to implement the Facebook usage rules as the model for their […]

Local Business Launches First Farm to Mouth to Toilet Restaurant

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vegetable garden
You Like? Please Share.North San Juan, CA – The burgeoning farm to table movement has a new partner, and a new North San Juan restaurant has extended movement by adding the septic process to the entire dining experience. “It’s really simple,” said The Whole Enchilada restaurant owner and recent transplant Annie “Windy” Fox, “we source […]

ASPCA to Nevada County: “No More Dogs For You”

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ASPCA to Nevada County: “No More Dogs For You”
You Like? Please Share.Nevada County, CA – Nevada County achieved its latest in a series of dubious “firsts” this week as the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) issued its first-ever outright ban on dog adoptions for an entire county. “This has been a long time coming,” sighed long-suffering NorCal ASPCA […]

“N” Word Conundrum in the South County

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Students at Forest Lake Christian High
You Like? Please Share.Lake of the Pines, CA – Cece Kyenge, a foreign exchange student from Ghana attending Forest Lake Christian High School in Lake of the Pines prides herself on her English language skills, especially her large vocabulary. During the six weeks she has been in California she has come across just one word […]

Local Pharmacy & Chemtrails Responsible for Flu Outbreak

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Its ability to create compound prescriptions was a key selection factor Spring Hill's participation in chemtrail operations.
You Like? Please Share.Nevada County, CA – The popular family-owned Spring Hill Pharmacy has colluded with Beale Air Force Officials to produce the recent influenza outbreak in Western Nevada County, the Scooper learned early Wednesday morning. According to insiders and a few shameless Facebook comments, people have successfully correlated the Spring Hill Pharmacy sign located […]

Area Man Washes in Wrong Order in Shower

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Ken Rice showering in an undisclosed order.
You Like? Please Share.Cedar Ridge, CA – Cedar Ridge private contractor, family man and dutiful husband Ken Rice accidentally washed himself in the wrong order in the shower early Wednesday morning, according to sources close to the Rice Family. “He was talking about it at the ‘Shaft’,” commented a patron at the popular local watering […]

Local Man Accidentally Hits Share Button on Adult Web Site

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Jeffry Audiron is embarrassed about shit the Share button on a porn site.
You Like? Please Share.Grass Valley, CA —  A local 32 year old Grass Valley man has accidentally hit a “share” button on the popular pornography site “assablanca.com.” “Well, that was embarrassing,” said Jeffry Audiron of Grass Valley in a phone interview following the event. “I normally don’t visit those sites, so I suppose the mistake is […]

ISIS Training Ground Busted Up At Nevada County State Park

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ISIS seen in a cave with Ranch Dressing and various deer photographs.You Like? Please Share.North Bloomfield, CA — After a two month investigation of a remote abandoned mine cave, local authorities in cooperation with Federal law enforcement have broken up an elaborate terrorist operation in the Sierra Foothills state park Malakoff Diggins. “We got ‘em,” said a spokesman for the Sheriff’s department. “Initially we thought this […]

Local Middle Class Family Creates $12 Million GoFundMe Campaign

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Lisa and David Day goofing off. Oh those kids!
You Like? Please Share.Grass Valley, CA – The average middle-class American Day Family of Grass Valley made the bold and unprecedented move on Wednesday to start  a $12 Million “GoFundMe” campaign to help pay the costs of their supplemental property taxes, their tier 3 and 4 PG&E energy bill, and the miscellaneous recreation fees for […]

Area Man Uses Tax Refund To Start Anti-Obama Blog

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Retired Colonel and Civil Engineer Jack Ripper
You Like? Please Share.Nevada City, CA – Local retired Colonel and Civil Engineer Jack Ripper announced late Monday night that be plans on creating an “anyone but Obama” blog using the generous tax refund he received on his 2014 return. Calling it “his duty” to “help rid the world of this socialist scourge,” Mr. Ripper […]

Helicopter Parents Repelled with Real Helicopters

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apache
You Like? Please Share.Beale Air Force Base – Helicopter gunships from Beale Air Base were dispatched this morning to streets just outside the city limits of Nevada City to quell an insurgent uprising of helicopter parents who just can’t seem to leave well enough alone. Hordes of helicopter parents were observed moving inward to consolidate […]
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