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Penn Valley to Adopt Confederate Battle Flag
A group of Penn Valley, CA activists have banded together and unofficially declared the Confederate Battle Flag to be its unofficial city flag. They've formed an action group called the Penn Valley...
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Scientology to Build Vault in Remote Graniteville, CA
The Church of Scientology has announced plans to build a store vault and "Cadet Org" in the small unincorporated community of Graniteville, California.
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Stone Mountain, GA Chosen for Immediate Syrian Refugee Relocation
Humanitarian workers will resettle the first wave of Syrian refugees in Stone Mountain as the Obama Administration struggle to bring at least 10,000 Syrian refugees to the U.S. by the end of September.
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Nevada City Votes to Allow Marijuana Dispensary in Neighboring Grass Valley
At yesterday's City Council meeting, the Nevada City leadership voted unanimously allowing neighboring Grass Valley to permit the county's first medical marijuana dispensary as soon as February 2017.
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Area Grandmother Finally Sends “Selfie”
After repeated attempts to send her daughter and granddaughter a "selfie," Mythel Adams of Grass Valley finally managed to send a somewhat coherant message using her new iPhone 6 that her daughter...
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Teenager Eats Nothing but Kraft™ Macaroni and Cheese
Grass Valley, CA — Grass Valley, CA Father Craig Thomas is beside himself. For the past 2 years, his 15-year-old son Kevin has refused to eat anything but Kraft™ Macaroni and Cheese. “We’ve tried...
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Local HAARP Relay Station Source of Fierce Debate
Sources close to the government have leaked a memo stating that a "relay-like antenna device" might be installed in the important HAARP Banner Mountain location.
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Pop Poop Pills for Better Poop
Dr. Scheiss explained C.diff. is a devastating, sometimes fatal bacterial infection of our guts that causes explosive diarrhea, belly pain, bloating, fever, uncontrollable barfing – and catastrophic...
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Penn Valley, CA Postpones Secession For Another Year
For the 14th consecutive year, the ardent conservative enclave of Penn Valley, CA has decided not to pursue secession from the United States.
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Area Man Attempts to Navigate Wife’s Purse
Recent Vacaville, CA transplant Tommy Empire attempted to search for his car keys in his wife's purse on Saturday with no success.
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Fight Averted at Safeway Self-Checkout
According to witnesses, the fight started between woman in her late 30s and a mid-20 year old female. Apparently there was some confusion about how to queue for the stores 2 sets of self-checkout...
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Penn Valley Woman Notices Grammatical Errors
Penn Valley, CA — Mary Shilling of Penn Valley has noticed grammatical errors in several Nevada County on-line and print publications. And she is not happy about it. “Hey, I just can’t read an article...
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Disneyland to Offer Vaccinations
Anaheim, CA — The happiest place on Earth is about to get vaccinated. Following recent reports of multiple Measles outbreaks at Disneyland, officials at the resort decided to offer free vaccinations to...
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Mega Mosque Planned Next to Mega Church
A new "mega mosque" is slated to open next to Twin Cities Church sometime next year, according to developers working on the project.
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McDonald’s Fires Ronald McDonald Amid Creepy Clown Epidemic
McDonald's has issued a statement confirming the reason for scrubbing Ronald McDonald from their website and his merchandise from their online store – the longtime franchise mascot is no longer under...
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Teenager Breaks New Cell Phone After 3 Days
3 days after receiving his new Samsung Galaxy mobile phone, complete with an Otterbox case, 15 year old Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley, CA somehow managed to crush the touchscreen into oblivion.
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Area Guinea Pig Chews Thoughtfully Despite Approaching Civilization Collapse
An area guinea pig continued today to chew its timothy hay thoughtfully unaware of the collapse of the great American experience.
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Soul Kitchen Closes, Saying Penn Valley Not a Good Fit
Penn Valley's Angel's Soul Kitchen restaurant is apparently dead on arrival. The newly-opened 'Soul Kitchen' felt obliged to shut its doors after only 24 minutes of operation. There may be hope, however.
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Helicopter Parents Repelled with Real Helicopters
Helicopter gunships from Beale Air Base were dispatched to quell an insurgent uprising of helicopter parents.
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Nevada City Technology Worker Pretends to Read James Joyce’s Ulysses
Customer Support Specialist Brent Underwood pretended to read Ulysses during his lunch break at a local technology firm on Wednesday. He's about half way through the book, although he hasn't read a...
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