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Local Creamery Discontinuing Popular Butter-by-Mail Service
Despite a surprising demand, local Better Butter Creamery has decided to discontinue sending they're award-winning butter via the US Mail due to numerous complaints from delivery personnel.
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World Famous Grumpy Cat Dead At Age 5
The world is mourning the loss of one of its favorite stars. Grumpy Cat, also known as Tartar Sauce, was found dead this morning of an apparent suicide.
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Area Man Fails to Live Up to the Promises of His Deodorant
A Truckee man has sunk into a deep depression after realizing that his underarm deodorant failed to create the manliness he was looking for. 31-year-old Jerry Heard came to this discovery after his...
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Chipotle Caught Dumping E. Coli Infected Beef Into Lake Wildwood
A late night patrol by a Lake Wildwood security vehicle caught employees of restaurant chain Chipotle Mexican Grill dumping approximately 200 lbs of ground beef near the spillway of the lake.
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Baby Moses Re-enactment Goes Horribly Wrong on Local Creek
Things got out of hand right after the small crowd placed an area infant into a small basket in Deer Creek just under the highway overpass, and the brisk current swept the child downstream.
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Junk Drawer Won’t Open Despite Repeated & Forceful Attempts
Local resident and average guy Chip Day failed to open a "Junk Drawer" in his Morgan Ranch home despite repeated and forceful attempts to do so.
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1,500,000 Gallons Of Sewage Spews Into Local Lake
The Lake Wildwood community, a private gated community with a private lake in western Nevada county, received more than they bargained for when county workers, by order of the Nevada County Board of...
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Local Entrepreneur Thwarted by DSL
Nevada County Home Business "Shake It Well" came to a screeching halt on Sunday night when Bob and Danni Schlozmeyer's DSL went down for the 3rd time that day and the 19th time this week.
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Shocking Report: Sibling Blames the Other Sibling
Nevada City, CA — Kevin Thomas has it all figured out. And he likes to explain his insights hourly to his entire family. He thinks his younger brother is pretty much the reason that everything sucks....
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Area Lottery Winner Plans to Travel/Masturbate Frequently
Recent multi-million dollar California Lottery winner Derrick Lopez of Fresno, CA told his friends on Facebook that he wants to fulfill his dreams of traveling the world following his huge windfall.
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Historians: Nevada City, CA Actually an Old Star Trek Episode Set
Historians from Brigham Young and Southern Methodist Universities have discovered that the quaint former gold rush town of Nevada City, California is actually a set from a lost Star Trek episode. The...
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Recently Paroled Unabomber Spotted at Area Best Buy
Convicted "Unabomber" Ted Kaczynski was spotted in an area Best Buy electronics store earlier this week shopping for a new laptop and mobile phone, according to several sources from the Auburn, CA...
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Area Racist Never Responds to Trump Approval Poll Requests
Area trinket collector, “oriental” food connoisseur and occasional racist Terry Adkinson says he's been contacted over the past few months by various polling operations such as Gallup and Rasmussen and...
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Rocklin McDonald’s Under Fire for Giving Boy’s Happy Meal to Transitioning Child
A Rocklin, California McDonald's has come under fire for inappropriately handing out the "Boys" version of their famous Happy Meal to a "transitioning" 5-year-old child.
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Tony Robbins: Nevada County Too Crazy For Me
Inspirational speaker, author and giant human Tony Robbins has declined a speaking engagement at the Veterans Hall in Grass Valley, CA claiming in a leaked email, "They're way to crazy for me,"...
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Area Irrigation Sprinkler Goes Rogue/Attacks Pavement
An angry and rebellious irrigation sprinkler located on Grass Valley's Roundabout went rogue over the weekend and decided to water the pavement instead of its assigned flower bed, multiple sources are...
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Cell Phone Tower Doubles in Size Following Record Rains
The controversial cell phone tower with was erected in Grass Valley's Brunswick Basin has grown by over 70 feet following a record-setting year for rainfall.
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Study: Cell Towers Kill Zika And West Nile Virus Mosquitoes
A massive two year study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation and sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control's (CDC) National Toxicology Program (NTP) has determined that modern...
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Utility Smart Meter Provides Area Woman with Vivid Dreams
Brenda "Dusty" Woods of Nevada City, CA says that ever since PG&E installed an energy Smartmeter on the outside of her Cottage Street home, she's been experience vivid dreams.
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Officials: NC Scooper May Be Developing Weapons-Grade Satire
After a series of local and national events that seem unaffected by what experts call "vanilla-level satire," sources close to the Nevada County Scooper have indicated that the 92 year old publication...
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Pat Robertson Blames Burning Man For Hurricanes
Many of Robertson's loyal supporters have come to his defense, including Laura Swanson, she said, "those people have a one way ticket to hell with all of their fornicating and drug use."
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Bill Nye Praises the Nevada County Scooper’s Fight Against Fake News
Ahead of his appearance at the Nevada City Film Festival, Bill Nye the Science Guy made a surprise appearance at the Nevada County Scooper offices this afternoon to thank the staff for courageous...
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“My Sexbot Cut Off My Penis,” Claims Area Man
An area man is recovering in Sierra Nevada Memorial hospital after his "sexbot" malfunctioned and cut off his penis. Dustin Jayce Dickens of Penn Valley, CA purchased the life-sized sex toy last last...
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Area Guinea Pig Unimpressed with Leftover Short Rib
An area guinea pig 'Sugar Peaches' seemed unimpressed with a just-before-bed short rib snack left by its owner, 11-year-old Nevada City resident Stephanie Jameson.
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Trimmigrant’s Skinny Jeans Leads to Hospitalization
It is that time of year when hundreds of migrant workers descend on Nevada County for the marijuana harvest, they are known to locals as "trimmigrants".
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Nevada City Becomes Nation’s First Crowdfunded Town
Nevada City says that it plans to repeal and replace traditional revenue sources like taxes and fines, and use crowdsourcing systems to pay for the operations of the town.
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Researchers Discover Ancient Petroglyph in California Lake
A group of archaeologists from Brigham Young and Southern Methodist University have discovered what appears to be an ancient petroglyph at the bottom of Scotts Flat Lake just outside of Nevada City,...
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New HAARP Relay Station Source of Fierce Local Debate
Sources close to the government have leaked a memo stating that a "relay-like antenna device" might be installed in the important HAARP Banner Mountain location.
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Recently Discovered 1994 Study Reveals Mobile Phones Cause Cancer
Palo Alto, CA — Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has confirmed that Nevada City’s local documentary producer, and sometimes politician, Saihra Ramun has produced heavily redacted Freedom of...
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Federal Gun Confiscation Unit Arrives in Penn Valley, CA
After a 6-month investigation, the Federal Government working with the Nevada City Police Department's special "Carry and Conceal Elimination" task force, has authorized the deployment of its special...
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Roundabout Shows Modern Technology’s Weakness
A Google self-driving car caused a traffic jam in Grass Valley over the weekend. A Google engineer decided to try out the new driver-less car in this area to, as he explains, “put it through the...
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Attention-starved Local Man Starts #allgenitalsmatter Movement
In retaliation to the "Me Too" posts on Facebook, Penn Valley local Trent Turco has created the #allgenitalsmatter movement.
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Nevada City to Host Nation’s First “Halloweed” Parade October 31st
Civic leaders and community organizers in the nation's self-proclaimed marijuana capital, announced this past week that the iconic former Gold Rush town nestled in the Sierra Nevada Foothills will host...
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Area Transplant Thinks Whole Town Smells Like Dope
"I mean it's too easy to make fun of the city name. 'Grass Valley' and all. But we had no idea how prevalent the dope business was up here. I suppose it's kinda funny. And annoying."
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Area Laser Hair Removal Accidentally Severs Man’s Scrotum
Penn Valley, CA resident Dustin Jayce Dickens was rushed to the emergency room Friday afternoon after a technician at The New You Laser Treatments salon in Auburn, CA used the wrong setting on the hair...
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Persistent Volunteer Kills Town’s Can-Do Spirit
A local woman's chronic volunteerism is being blamed by townsfolk for robbing them of their initiative and dulling their once notable can-do spirit.
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Area Homeless Man Works as Parking Meter
Area homeless man Jimmie "The Home" Wilkonson has found a way to make some spare change on the side by acting as Earth's first parking meter. Mr. Wilkonson has taken it upon himself to station himself...
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World War II Ship Mysteriously Appears in Local Schoolyard
Although Ken Cornys didn't realize what he was looking at, other than the obvious antique war ship, one area man knew exactly what it was.
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NC Scooper Admits Error/Promises a ‘Non-Fake’ Future
he Nevada County Scooper was recently called a “Fake News Site†on Wikipedia, a description recently attached to the Scooper by Snopes, the leading debunking source for people trying to determine...
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Area Non-Binary Social Justice Warrior Disillusioned by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
New York City's Amanda Hyman, a self-proclaimed, non-binary Social Justice Warrior, is upset by the lack of actual transgender people in the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. She wants them to take 'Trans' out...
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Local Newspaper Outsourcing Operations to Barstow, CA
Penn Valley, CA –– The 92-year-old Nevada County Scooper announced late Sunday night that it plans on outsourcing printing operations to Barstow, CA in a cost-cutting effort to increase operating...
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California Condor Nest Spotted in Area Cell Tower
Earlier this week, several people reported what seemed to be a pair of birds in the Glenbrook Basin area building what appeared to be a large nest.
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Area Woman To Film Her Harrowing Journey Across Kansas
Today, like many other days in Ms. Ramun's recent life, found our activist out in front of the New York Hotel on Broad Street with her trusty bull horn announcing to locals and frightened tourists that...
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Kansas Farmer Denies Ever Meeting Traveling Nevada City Activist
Just days after announcing her documentary project, Nevada City activist Saihra Ramun is having to explain how several Kansas farmers mentioned in her memoirs claim to have never met the Sierra...
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Russians Hack Local High School JumboTron with Porn
A Russian hacking group is claiming responsibility for seizing control of an area high school stadium's JumboTron television and running porn on it for over 4 hours earlier today.
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Area Senior Citizen Can’t Stop Computer From Printing
Reynaldo M. Rodriguez's printer has stopped working correctly. Mr. Rodriguez prints "every god-damned email" he gets because he's afraid he'll lose it.
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Area Pastor Defies Death, Converts to Atheism
A local pastor had a bit of a scare recently when he dropped dead of a heart attack. First responders were unable to revive him at the scene, and a defibrillator had zero impact as he was completely dead.
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Truckee Couple Freezes To Death Awaiting Star Wars Opening
A Truckee, California couple sadly passed away late last night as they sat waiting in the sub-freezing temperatures for the premiere of Star Wars. Bill and Melynda Gates [no relation to Microsoft mogul...
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Area 22 Year Old to Fix his “Sleeping to 2pm Problem” by Waking Up at 1:30pm
An area man has decided to get his life in order after his mother threatened to kick him out. Area part time working and 2014 Nevada Union High School graduate John Scott of Grass Valley has decided to...
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Donner Party Family Buffet to Open in Truckee, CA
Local entrepreneur Robert Mincy is looking to cash in on Truckee's booming economy by opening a family-style buffet on the Eastern shore of Donner Lake.
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