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A No Contest Witch Hunt, by Thos Nasty

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Modern-Witch-Hunt-Harvey-Bigelsen-Case-Closed_Featured
You Like? Please Share.Nevada County holistic physician Harvey Bigelsen pleaded no contest Friday to using the titles “Dr.” or “M.D.” in his business letterhead, cards or ads as part of a deal negotiated with Nevada County District Attorney’s office, canceling a trial previously set for Feb. 17. “I’m glad it’s over,” said Bigelsen, 74, whose […]

Porn Version of “Left Behind” Less Amusing Than Original

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Left Behind Featured
You Like? Please Share.Hollywood, CA – A pornographic version of the popular 2014 Christian end of times film Left Behind ironically is less amusing than the film it sets out to mock. Released just 4 days after the mainstream version of  Left Behind starting Nicholas Cage, Left Behind: This Is Where You End Up staring porn […]

Teenager Eats Nothing but Kraft™ Macaroni and Cheese

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Teenager Kevin Thomas has eaten nothing but Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and a bag of cough drops.
You Like? Please Share.Grass Valley, CA – Grass Valley, CA Father Craig Thomas is beside himself. For the past 2 years, his 15-year-old son Kevin has refused to eat anything but Kraft™ Macaroni and Cheese. “We’ve tried everything. And I mean everything. You’re not gonna suggest anything are you?” asked Mr. Thomas of this Scooper correspondent. “Anyhow, we’ve […]

County to Ban All Tobacco Products Due to Animal Abuse

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Due to repeated health risks like death and reports of animal abuse, Nevada County bans tobacco.Voters in rural Nevada County California have voted to ban all tobacco products for sale and consumption.

The Nevada County Scooper Celebrates 2015 Mardi Gras in Nevada City

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The Nevada County Scooper Celebrates 2015 Mardi Gras in Nevada City
The Nevada County Scooper Celebrates 2015 Mardi Gras in Nevada City. Come experience all the excitement and parking issues you missed.

Miners Foundry to Annoy Old People with New Sound System

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Miners Foundry Yubanet Featured
Miners Foundry is seeking a grant to improve its sound system to attract bigger acts and more obviously to annoy old people with a more modern sound system.

Adult Toy Accidentally Purchased from Salvation Army

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ShellySexToyFeatured
Shelly Wagner made an unfortunate discovery Monday afternoon after purchasing a sexual aid she thought was a common household tool at the Salvation Army.

Wherefore Art Thou Golden Chance Bodega?

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Open for business??
Those Golden Chance Bodega folks are messing with my brain. They have a lovely 'Open' sign blazing, and yet the front door is locked and I can't get inside.

Area Man Insists on Ordering Starbucks Drink at Local Coffee House

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Area Man Insists on Ordering Starbucks Drink at Local Coffee House
Resident Don Vaca got into a spat Wednesday with Carolines Coffee Barista, he insisted on ordering a Venti Caramel Macchiato only sold at Starbucks.

Zuckerberg to Put Select Facebook Groups on a “Time Out”

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Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg
Facebook announced on Thursday that it will put several Nevada County Facebook Groups on a "time out" until they can get their histrionic behavior under control.

Local Unplugged Musician Reduced to Silence

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JP Cube a.k.a. Lethal Chrome_featured
Local hip-hop musician "JP Cube a.k.a. Lethal Chrome" has been reduced to 45 minutes of silence after attempting to produce an "unplugged" album.

Area Man Pays with a Check

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Nevada City's own Doob Carnevale
Local SPD cashier Megan Albright was temporarily confused on Thursday when grocery store patron and long Nevada City resident Toby “Doob” Carnevale attempted to use a check to purchase a single Mentos candy.

Sibling Blames Sibling

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brothers fightingNevada City, CA — Kevin Thomas has it all figured out. And he likes to explain his insights hourly to his entire family. He thinks his younger brother is pretty much the reason that everything sucks. “Why does he still watch lame Minecraft videos? Maybe because he’s retarded,” exclaimed Kevin. Kevin’s younger brother, Todd, responded, […]

Area Man Arrested for Pot Haul

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Area Man Arrest for Pot HaulMonash, a part-time store clerk living with his band on a property in Alleghany, Sierra County, was arrested on Saturday night just outside of Fallon, Nevada.

New Girl Scout Cookies to Address Wage Inequality

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Girl Scout Awareness Featured
Nevada County, CA – It’s that time again, time for Girl Scout Cookie sales. Just when you thought you were safely on your New Years diet, you starting getting the phone calls from your local Girl Scout troop asking for your box count. Admit it, you can hardly wait. This year the Girl Scouts of […]

Special Report: Last Average Adult Discovered in Nevada County

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Chip Day of Grass Valley. An ordinary man.
Researchers from UC Davis were startled to discover what they are tentatively billing as the “last average adult in Nevada County.”

Local Super Villain Whereabouts Unknown

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2vaz0r6
Nevada City may not know it, but hidden within it's quaint and quiet borders something dark and insidious is brewing.

Man Taking Care of Elderly Mother Declares ‘God is Cruel’

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Man Taking Care of Elderly Mother Declares ‘God is Cruel’
A local man shopping with his octogenarian mother hit his limit declaring that "God is at fault" and began crushing tomatoes out of anger.

Developer To Partner with Walmart to Replant Downed Penn Valley Trees

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Artist's rendition of the "replacement" trees at the Gateway Center
Sacramento-based Ethan Conrad Properties has partnered with Walmart to replace the downed 40-plus trees with electrified palms.

Nevada City, CA to Hire Dirty Harry After High Crime Ranking

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Nevada City, CA to Hire Dirty Harry After High Crime Ranking
The quaint gold rush town of Nevada City has hired rogue San Francisco policeman Harry Callahan to patrol the troubled town's crime-ridden streets.
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