Clik here to view.
Area Man Claims He Can Defeat ISIS with Pork & Goats
An area man claims that he can defeat Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL), also known as Islamic State of Iraq and Syria or ISIS, with various pork products and goat sex. Trey Collins has grown...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Area Man Accidentally Terrifies Save Mart with Maul Axe
According to sources leaving the store, Mr. Morgan didn't go on a murderous rampage through the grocery store, but rather was walking around the aisles with a young boy holding what appeared to be a 6...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Area Psychic/Remote Viewer Sees Nothing Interesting
Area clairvoyant, spirit channeller and "remote viewer" Nico Mooney admitted to his friends this past week that he can indeed remote view phenomena all around the world, however what he sees is boring...
View ArticleClik here to view.
City Council Passes Anti-Irish Ordinance After Rise of Gangs
After recent gang violence has threaten the burgeoning, yet fragile Nevada City tourism industry, the city council has passed the nation's first anti-Irish immigration law in almost 120 years.
View ArticleClik here to view.
Area Senior Can No Longer Print
Mr. Rodriguez prints "every god-damned email" he gets because he's afraid he'll lose it. Reynaldo M. Rodriguez's printer has stopped working.
View ArticleClik here to view.
State of Jefferson Protest Prompts Mothman Appearance [VIDEO]
The Mothman creature appeared after an 3 hour pro-State of Jefferson protest on the normally ordinary and uneventful overpass. The protest, which was organized to raise secession awareness for the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Glenn Beck to Nevada County: Too Crazy for Me
Talk show host Glenn Beck said that Nevada County was just "too bat-@#$1 crazy, even for me" on his program Thursday night.
View ArticleClik here to view.
Local Anarcho-Capitalist Has No Sense of Humor
"And there all all kinds of Anarchists, you see. There's Laissez-faire ones like me, and other ones. Then there's the hippie Anarcho-syndicalists ones. Commune types. Similar, but different than me,"...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Area Cloud Seeder Hoping for a Chemtrail Promotion
The former Navy Pilot and current cloud seeding captain of a Evergreen 747 based out of Beale Air Force base, has been eyeing the coveted Chemtrail Captain position ever since he joined Evergreen's...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Area Parents Apologize in Advance for Son’s Mass Murder
Maureen and Jimmy are the parents of Jason Dant, a notorious gun “collector” who recently left his Horton Street home and is currently living in a fortified bunker with no address somewhere in Penn...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Nevada City Issues Nation’s First Open Carry Permit, for an Accordion
In an on-going effort to empty the boardwalk of transients and hipsters, Nevada City Police Chief Timothy Foley today issued the first Open Carry Permit—for a musical instrument. Accordion enthusiast...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Plastic Bag Ban Threatens Garbage Patch Vortex, Organizer Says
Angela Hansen organized the grassroots effort to save the Pacific Garbage Vortex Patch when she realized that the new ban would force local residents to bring their own paper or canvas bags while...
View ArticleClik here to view.
“Red Dog Jane” Ghost Spotted on Highway 20
The circumstances behind Janie H. Barnes' 1941 death are still a mystery. According to scant police records, Ms. Barnes was apparently walking alone towards Truckee during the early morning hours of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Children May Be Solution to Gun Violence
If you think your toddler is too immature to properly handle a loaded firearm safely, think again.
View ArticleClik here to view.
Government: Drones for Chemtrail Operations
In a surprise executive order, the Obama Administration announced plans to license and deploy aerial drones to conduct Chemtrail spraying operations.
View ArticleClik here to view.
Grass Valley Expands Roundabout with Merry-Go-Round
Grass Valley's new Soviet-style leadership did what any politburo government would do: distract its citizens with spectacle and entertainment. And to that end, government officials have installed a...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Area Chemtrail Believer Bullied by Math “Thugs“
Mary McAlister seemed surprised that others took issue with her incendiary share of a billboard picture that warned people of the dangers of geoengineering.
View ArticleClik here to view.
Rumor of Nevada City Fire is False
Rumors of Nevada City burning to the ground last night are completely unfounded. The Nevada County Scooper can confirm that it was all a practical joke started by some clown named Robert X.
View ArticleClik here to view.
Murderous, Screaming Rampage Results in Missing Spider
Police responded to a home on the 12000 block of Squirrel Creek Rd. on Sunday night upon receiving reports of a woman screaming and a man yelling, “Die, bitch! I am gonna [deleted] kill you!” Officers...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Area Woman Injured By Kmart Receipt Pile
Layaway has a new meaning for long time Grass Valley resident Millie Franks after she was nearly smothered under 27 lbs. of Kmart receipts on Saturday.
View Article